I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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