I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my fart just growled at me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
