I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
