Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
