I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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