I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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