I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
