Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
