You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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