put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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