That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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