We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
