Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
