Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
