Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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