who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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