i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize