When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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