it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
