he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
