i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
