I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
