that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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