It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
