mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
