Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
