Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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