Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
