she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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