I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
