I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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