well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
