I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years