Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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