someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
