Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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