Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"