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Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
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