i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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