Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
