Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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(847): View more from Illinois

That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.

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(707): View more from California

We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.

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(812): View more from Indiana

CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV

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