I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
