didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
