i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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