I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
