Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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