you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
