Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
