i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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