It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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