Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
