is your mom at the bar?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
