dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
