I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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