so let's talk penis.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
