Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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