He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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