New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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