i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
