The beer is more important than you right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
