Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
