I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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