I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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