she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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