My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize