Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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