remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
