Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
