No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
