Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
